I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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