They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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