You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
