Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
