38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I want is dick and wine.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
