I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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