He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So many bounce houses so little time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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