Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
