cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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