So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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