Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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