"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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