I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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