I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
