Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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