did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
