Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
