arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
