he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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