Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
