Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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