The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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