He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
