we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
