all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh god it's open bar.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
