Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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