Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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