dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
