I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
