Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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