is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
