hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
