Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
