I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
