So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
