No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
