Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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