You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
