The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
