My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
