dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
