I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
