you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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