I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
