Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
