honey bunches of taint.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
