I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
