The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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