I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
