she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
