Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
